I've never met her but I've dreamed of the day I will meet her...I dream of it often. Every year this time I think of her and occasionally throughout the year I think of her and how exciting it will be when I finally meet her. The trouble is that I haven't yet figured out where she is nor how to get to her. I've tried. I've tried many times. I've begged people to help me find her and despite the efforts of others I've still not been successful in my attempts. I've been close sometimes and other times I know I'm heading in the wrong direction. She occupies my thoughts frequently but she is the first to be put on the back burner when something else comes up. Family, work, dinner with friends, etc. There is a never ending list of things that are more important than her yet I would claim that she is one of the most important people in my life and certainly the amount of time I "try" to find her one might think she was far more important that she is. As I get older I am beginning to realize that the journey to find her is becoming more difficult. She feels further away each year. I fear that if I don't make a concerted effort to find her once and for all that we may never meet. It is a terrifying journey though. Some times it seems more terrifying than never meeting her. What if I don't like her? What if she isn't who I thought she would be? What if I've spent my life idolizing someone I don't like? This definately creates a great excuse for me to not try as hard to find her as I know I should sometimes. I suppose though that answered questions regardless of the outcome is much better than never knowing. Who is she? She is me....a thin me, a healthy me, a person who values herself as much as the world around her.
I've been overweight my entire life and I've wanted not to be nearly as long. The new year is upon us and it is once again time to try and figure out a way to find the "new me". What is different this year though. I'm not certain that anything is different really...only perhaps my desire for this search to be over once and for all. It is time for me. Time to find this person I've looked for for a lifetime. It is time. It is exciting and terrifying. What will the journey look like? I don't know but I finally feel strong enough to venture into the unknown.
